I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
