i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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