Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
