If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
