You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
