after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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