did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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