Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
