I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
