Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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