I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
