I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.