So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
