apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
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phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
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I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock