Texts From Last Night

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  (323): View more from California

  I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.

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  (323): I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps. http://tfl.nu/nh7r
  Replies (6) Good night (1519) Bad night (600)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.

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  (434): I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents. http://tfl.nu/eibu
  Replies (18) Good night (860) Bad night (6001)
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  (415): View more from California

  If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.

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  (415): If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition. http://tfl.nu/fwuo
  Replies (13) Good night (10048) Bad night (1181)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me

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  (973): i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me http://tfl.nu/lmdm
  Replies (20) Good night (6674) Bad night (1135)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america

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  (616): Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america http://tfl.nu/zong
  Replies (27) Good night (6770) Bad night (1680)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?

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  (541): Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl? http://tfl.nu/31z4
  Replies (5) Good night (2079) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.

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  (949): I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door. http://tfl.nu/w7kk
  Replies (14) Good night (4092) Bad night (1281)
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  (562): View more from California

  I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.

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  (562): I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical. http://tfl.nu/qbx3
  Replies (10) Good night (3610) Bad night (943)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.

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  (604): It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good. http://tfl.nu/yhf8
  Replies (0) Good night (1070) Bad night (581)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.

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  (773): If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one. http://tfl.nu/q8n4
  Replies (12) Good night (854) Bad night (1225)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  "DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.

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  (403): "DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT. http://tfl.nu/hmpm
  Replies (7) Good night (1180) Bad night (395)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian

  (443): View more from Maryland

  And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?

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  (443): He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian (443): And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun? http://tfl.nu/mgrv
  Replies (0) Good night (682) Bad night (292)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.

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  (631): A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me. http://tfl.nu/teoz
  Replies (5) Good night (406) Bad night (953)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?

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  (704): What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it? http://tfl.nu/lfbk
  Replies (4) Good night (947) Bad night (245)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...

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  (832): He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me (832): It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose... http://tfl.nu/6htq
  Replies (0) Good night (344) Bad night (199)

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