therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
