but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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