I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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