My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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