I can tuck mytits in my pants
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Randomize
