What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
