So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I need water and some morals
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
