I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
