I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
