Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
