You were right. It hurts to walk today.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
