I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
