This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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