Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i drank out of a bidet.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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