so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
