I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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