I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
