erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I think my vagina is haunted
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
