Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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