I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
