Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
