i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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