that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
