New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize