My room smells like vodka and shame
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
high people should be assigned attendants
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
