yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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