she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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