She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
