I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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