i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
