Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
