I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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