Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
