I think my fart just growled at me.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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