maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
