well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
