i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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