census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
