I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize