I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
