areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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