Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
