Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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