Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
