god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
