How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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