I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
