i don't like sucking hair
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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