Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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