69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
