he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
