So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Pants are for mortals
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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