i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
