Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
