The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
