BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
