Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
