why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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