I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
