***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
