Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
