Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Someone came in the potted fern
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
