I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
