I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
