My hand turned me down
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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