sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
