So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
