oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Let's get the cat blown out
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
